Beginner's Guide To Orgasm Denial
So, you want to know about orgasm denial? We’ll just wait until you are on the edge of your seat and then we will get started.
Every type of orgasm denial play is becoming more and more popular and with good reason. The aim is to hone your skill and technique to keep your partner, or yourself if you are flying solo, in an elevated state of arousal for an extended period. If you're engaging in this activity with a spouse or friend, going without the promise of a gratifying release really adds to the experience.
Going without for a prolonged period and not knowing when you will be fully satisfied provides intense physical and psychological gratification, largely due to the power exchange element involved. There's nothing quite as sexy as keeping your playmate turned on for hours, or even days at a time; knowing that they are desperate to reach their climax and are ready to explode.
In contrast, those being kept in that highly aroused state will love experiencing all the scintillating sensations that sex play has to offer, for days at a time. Simply put; sex becomes about the journey, not the destination.
So, come on, own up...you’re begging for it, aren’t you?!
About the author
This guide has been put together for your pleasure by the team at UberKinky. Our mission is to help everyone, regardless of who you are or what physiology you have, expand your horizons and explore kink in all its glory.
We've been helping people get to know their bodies better in both pleasurable and safe ways, and are dedicated to continuing doing just that. We are always here to offer help, advice and a few toys to spice things up.
We can guarantee we know what you are thinking - orgasms are incredible, why would you want to go without them? And you're right. Orgasms are great. They not only feel sensational, but they also relieve stress, help to combat insomnia and give our immune system a boost.
But! Whether you choose long or short term denial, there are also some great reasons to fight the urge. Here are five UberKinky reasons why you should give orgasm denial a try.
1) When you get off, you get off!
When you have been taken to the edge or aroused and then refused complete satisfaction, again and again, you will find that when you do finally get a release, it is much more powerful and enjoyable.
Additionally, couples who engage in orgasm denial in some form or other enjoy more intense orgasms and a closer relationship.
2) Can help to heighten sex-drive
Not every couple or playmates will have the same level of libido. While there is nothing wrong with a lowered sex-drive, anyone actively looking to increase their libido can find the answer in orgasm denial.
3) A fantastic option for those who take longer to climax
This is really a two-part benefit. Orgasm denial can help anyone with a penis last longer in the sack, so if you hope to improve your stamina, this is certainly a technique you will want to try.
Additionally, anyone who generally takes longer to climax than their partner could assume a dominant role, whereby they deny their playmate until they are fully satisfied.
4) An awesome way to keep long-distance relationships spicy
Long-distance relationships suck and not in a good way. While there are toys available to help keep things interesting (and also work well in this type of play) mutual orgasm denial is a fantastic way to keep the spark alive. It sets the stage for a pretty special reunion too.
5) Orgasm denial is a fun entry into BDSM play
Anyone tempted into BDMS but anxious to take the plunge can use orgasm denial as an entry point. While it doesn't have to include dominance or submission, many people incorporate it into their play. If you've ever wanted to experience what BDSM is all about, this is a great way to get started.
Not too sure if orgasm denial is for you? Well, we think thou dost protest too much! Whether alone, or with a partner, this type of play:
● Makes orgasms that much more intense (when they do occur),
● Allows you to make the most of those supreme sensations for even longer
● Enables practised control
If controlling someone else as part of BDSM play, you’ll notice that your submissive becomes much more attentive to your needs.
We've already touched on some of the ways orgasm denial can increase your boudoir experiences (or wherever takes your fancy). But there are also chemical reasons related to the sexual response cycle that makes them even better.
There are four stages of the sexual response cycle that every adult experiences, and each comes with its own influence on our bodies:
● Desire - Increases blood flow to the genitals, muscle tension, erect nipples, pre-cum and vaginal lubrication
● Arousal - Breathing, blood pressure, heart-rate and clitoris sensitivity increases, testicles retract and muscles may spasm (in a good way)
● Orgasm - Muscle contraction (and ejaculation for those with a penis). The shortest phase
● Resolution - The body returns to its usual state
Orgasm denial essentially keeps you in the arousal state for an extended period, making the orgasm phase much more potent when you get there.
Okay, listen very carefully; we shall say this only once! Safety is our number one priority and, as such, it is vital that you pay close attention to this section.
For anyone with a penis - being denied orgasms over a long period could lead to a prostatic fluid build-up. This can become stagnant if it is not expelled regularly. There is a possibility that this could lead to bacteria growth, which is often the culprit of prostate disease.
To avoid this fate, we recommend that the prostate is milked frequently. Although prostate orgasms can be extremely pleasurable, milking can be performed so that no gratification is derived from it whatsoever. Under these circumstances, people may opt to use ice on the genitals to reduce enjoyment. Take a look at our Beginner's Guide to Fetish Related Prostate Health for more information.
For everyone - remember to take things slowly. A great deal of emotions are involved with orgasm denial, which can have a massive psychological impact. Overall, it is perhaps one of the safest sexual practices; however, always be sensible.
Now, you must take our advice if you plan on having a second helping!
- Communicate - before, during and after. It's essential to ensure nothing is pushed further than anyone is comfortable with. All boundaries and limits need to be respected.
- Trim your fingernails - for prostate milking
- Regularly milk - anyone with a penis who is being denied orgasm
- Rush into anything - take your time to learn each other's bodies or your own, and take things slowly. Start small and work your way up
- Go ahead without discussing first - and discussed in detail. It's also worth having a safe word for the peace of mind of everybody involved
- Lock someone in chastity - without reading our chastity guides first
That's enough biology. Let's get down to it; there are a few varieties of orgasm denial you can try. Whether you find your favourite and stick with that, or mix and match based on your mood, some of these can be done solo, and all can be enjoyed with a playmate.
The main types of orgasm denial are:
● Ruined orgasms
● Complete denial and chastity play
But we will also throw in a couple of others that you may want to try.
Get the edge; this is a great way to start experimenting with orgasm denial. This technique is similar to complete denial in the sense that submissives are forbidden from experiencing an orgasm. However, unlike complete denial, the genitals receive stimulation as usual through sex play. The person being edged (whether through solo play or part of a team) will be taken right to the brink of orgasm before stimulation is stopped altogether.
Your timing needs to be just right so that the sensation of imminent orgasm fades instead of being reached. You may need to practice a few times before you become a deft hand. Getting to the edge and then stopping before climax can be done multiple times throughout a session.
This is a great way to take edging to the next level. If you are keen on spicing things up even more, you can use restraints; this type of orgasm denial is referred to as tie and tease. Many people find it to be even more exciting and intense because the feelings of sexual frustration are accelerated by the feelings of helplessness imposed by bondage.
Go on, spoil yourself! This is slightly different from the techniques we have discussed so far, in that this one does allow an orgasm, but endeavours to ruin it so that no enjoyment occurs. To be successful, the person having their orgasm ruined needs to be pushed past the point of no return (where an orgasm is inevitable). At that point, all stimulation is stopped and replaced with discomfort, pain or blocked ejaculation.
Ruined orgasms do not feel intense or satisfying. Often there will be less or no contractions, and the sensations are weak and fade very quickly. In many cases, it is possible to continue stimulation afterwards, enabling a continuation towards the next ruined orgasm. So, don't ruin your chances, read on for the different way you can achieve it.
1) Put the brakes on - Stop all stimulation at the point of no return. This is the easiest way to ruin an orgasm. If you like to play alone, you will be able to read your body and know when you are at the right point. If playing with a friend, ask them to tell you when they are right on the edge, or vice versa. The person in control of the ruined orgasm can either hold the partner there or push them over with a touch more stimulation.
This is an excellent approach for beginners; however, some naughty subs may allow stimulation to continue for a little longer than they should, which can be responded to as you, the dom/me, see fit. Once you get started with orgasm control, there'll be no stopping you.
2) Be a real pain - This requires some discussion beforehand and is a great technique to deliver a ruined orgasm. Why not try slapping or flicking the clitoris, glans or testicles at just the right point? Not only is this uncomfortable, but it is shocking too.
It's important to slap hard enough to cause some actual pain; otherwise, you're just playing, and that could be processed in a way that is the exact opposite to what you desire.
Of course, this method won’t work for those of you who get off on pain.
3) Turn around when possible (for those with a penis) - Some people opt to force those naughty swimmers back the way they came. It's possible to achieve this in one of two ways; by squeezing the penis around the base (just underneath the glans), or putting your hand, finger or thumb over the urethra at the point of no return. Keep hold until the muscle contractions have stopped and those orgasmic sensations have ended. When you remove your finger, thumb or hand, some semen may dribble out. The rest will likely have gone into the bladder and will be urinated out on the next bathroom visit (the urine will have a cloudy appearance). This type of ruined orgasm is commonly referred to as a 'blocked orgasm'; it is cock blocking with a difference.
Okay, we admit it; the idea of no orgasms whatsoever can be a little daunting! But, trust us' it's well worth it. Complete denial means zero stimulation of the genitals. This can last anywhere between two weeks and two months, maybe even longer if you can take it.
However, we recommend starting at two or three days and gradually building up. Often, for added assurance and a little extra kink, a chastity device is worn. Creating an increased state of sexual need can lead to a more attentive and even hornier playmate. It will also increase tolerance in holding back an orgasm, or even having an orgasm on command (imagine that!). It allows one person complete control over the other's pleasure, which is a compelling experience.
All of the orgasm denial techniques we have touched on have revolved around one person preventing another from orgasm, or stopping yourself from climaxing when playing solo. Karezza is orgasm denial for both players. The aim is to enjoy sex without aiming towards a climax. It's a great practice to help you stay in the moment and ward off performance anxiety which can really kill the mood for the person experiencing it.
Additionally, some people experience irritability and teariness after a rush of dopamine leaves their body. By enjoying sex without aiming for an orgasm, these natural responses can be avoided.
Why not give it a go and see what happens?
Okay, so maybe orgasm denial isn't for you. Fear not we're merely teasing. We guess that you'll enjoy the torment just as much as we do. When engaging in complete denial with a partner, inciting increased arousal makes the frustration and whole experience that much more intense. As such, we've listed a few ideas to help you get the most out of your orgasm denial and control. Simple tease out the ones that work best for you!
- Assign a meaning to each number on dice. For example, how many times will you or your playmate edge that evening? No touching at all? Touching a specific body part for a period based on the number the dice lands on.
- Allow you or your playmate to stimulate their genitals for a certain amount of time, but only after giving the other party a certain number of orgasms first.
- Encourage you or your partner to 'deny themselves'. This can be done by building up a bank of time as the days pass. For example, every day one of you denies yourself, a reward of 20 seconds of stimulation from the other party is given. This can be cashed in at any time, but the longer you or your partner go, the more likely an orgasm. With the prospect of having a full orgasm, denial can last longer.
- Orgasm, but only via specific stimulation within a certain timeframe. It's essential to ensure that the time set means no prospect of orgasm, but you can get close.
- Try striping for your partner and masturbating in front of them while they watch, but can’t touch themselves or you.
- Assign a point system, and when a certain number is achieved, an orgasm is given. You can set tasks for yourself or your playmate that is worth a certain amount of points. If playing with someone, keep the points scored a secret for extra fun.
- For those who take longer to climax than your playmate, don’t stimulate your partner until you have reached orgasm.
- Set a random timer that only you know, and deny orgasm until the alarm sounds.
Orgasm denial can bring forth a lot of emotions. It's essential that once play is through you, and anyone you engaged with, take time to rest, have a cuddle and talk through anything you want to.
If engaging in extended play or any toys are used, it's always a good idea for the receiver to drink plenty of water afterwards, clean all toys properly, and perhaps nibble on some chocolate.
We recommend that after trying a new game or experience, such as orgasm denial, everyone involved takes the time to talk about what they liked or didn't like, set boundaries and make plans for the next experience. Just because limitations have been set doesn't mean they can't be moved in future. Likewise, if someone has given an experience or act the green light before, that doesn't mean they can't take it off the table at a later date.
It's vital always to be open and honest and respect everyone involved.
While you don’t necessarily need any toys to enjoy orgasm denial, you may find that they kick things up a notch further. Here are a few examples of how you can level up your play:
From chastity cages, tubes, or even devices targeting specific physiology, there is plenty to choose from (not to mention the accessories to help your favourite toy last even longer) to take orgasm denial to the ultimate level.
- UberKinky Spiral Stainless Steel Male Chastity DeviceAs low as £77.99UberKinky Spiral Stainless Steel Male Chastity Device 57 4.2 5 1
If your naughty sub doesn't do as you command, perhaps restraints will put them in their place. There are so many options to choose from, including:
● Ankle restraints
● Bondage rope
● Wrist restraints
● Bed restraints
● Bondage mitts
● Door restraints
And of course, the accessories that go with them.
- UberKinky Braided Cotton Bondage Rope Black 32ft 10m£13.99UberKinky Braided Cotton Bondage Rope Black 32ft 10m 5 5 5 1
- UberKinky Braided Cotton Bondage Rope Red 32ft 10m£13.99UberKinky Braided Cotton Bondage Rope Red 32ft 10m 7 5 5 1
Okay, so these are technically restraints, but when it comes to orgasm denial, they deserve a shout out all of their own. Did you know that some people with vaginal anatomy can achieve orgasm by merely squeezing their thighs together? (lucky them). If that's the case for your sub, then a spreader bar can help retain control over your orgasm denial.
Well, we’ve finally reached the climax of our Beginner’s Guide to Orgasm Denial. However, we refuse to believe that your knowledge has peaked! Take a look at the following guides for more information;