If you find yourself navigating the murky waters of an LDR (that’s long-distance relationships for you loved-up local couples), then phone sex is an absolute must. And if it isn’t part of your regular keeping-in-touch routine, then it should be. As awkward as wanking with a phone jammed between your ear and shoulder sounds, there’s just something about phone sex that’s hot, intimate, and a little bit awkward in a totally cute way.
Even if you’re not in a long-distance relationship, phone sex can help if you live apart, or if one of you is travelling away. Or, if you’ve just got nothing better to do, let UberKinky take you through their complete guide to nailing your phone sex game.
Nail down a time and place
If you are in an LDR, chances are you may be in different time zones. At the very least, you’ll have other things on your to-do list. While it’s important to make time for intimacy, sometimes life gets in the way. Start by arranging your date night and sticking to it, no matter what. Make sure you’re alone or at least undisturbed for the duration of your call - no pets, parents or offspring walking in unannounced while you’re riding your new huge dildo and describing in great detail how you’d like to suspend your partner from the ceiling wearing nothing but lacy underwear and dripping in honey...
Mood killer.
Start by sexting
It’s all about the build-up, especially if you’re dabbling in something new. If you feel awkward bringing up the idea of phone sex out of the blue, give little hints to your partner that you’re interested, maybe a flirty text saying you can’t wait to hear their voice later, or that you’ve been daydreaming about them all day. Or, if you’re a straight-up kind of person, jump right in and tell them exactly what you’re planning.
That way, they have to think about it for the rest of the day. They’ll be positively squirming by the time the phone rings.
The talking
When the time comes to actually speak to one another, what the hell are you supposed to say? Here’s a few talking points to inspire…
Describe what you’re doing
Phone sex is all about descriptions. Your partner can’t see what you’re wearing, what you look like, how you smell, and exactly what you’re up to. Once you’ve begun, leave all shyness behind. Start by describing what you’re wearing, how you’re slowly taking it off, and what you’re doing to yourself, where you’re touching. Go slow, whisper, and be descriptive. Build up the tension.
Remember when…
If you’re not totally comfortable with putting the focus on yourself, take a trip down memory lane together and recall some of your hottest memories. Describe what you did to one another, as if you were watching from the sidelines, or use your imagination: “What if I had done XYZ…” “Next time I want to do…
Bring a fantasy to life
What’s something that you’ve always wanted to try? What-ifs are the perfect inspiration source when it comes to sex, and what better time to dip into your fantasy bank than when you’re on the phone? Maybe there’s something that turns you on but you would never do in real life. This could be outdoor sex, public sex, role play, group sex, BDSM… Unleash those fantasies.
Be vocal
Remember, your partner can’t see the look on your face during your phone session - unless you’ve braved FaceTime - so you’re going to have to paint the picture. Moans and gasps of pleasure will not only set the scene, but they also show your partner you’re having a good time, and your noises of ecstasy will be getting them off, trust us.
Bring in a helping hand
Toys are your best friend, no matter how you’re playing. So why wouldn’t you bring them along to this solo/not-solo event? Don’t be afraid to reach under your bed for some old favourites or even a special new toy you’ve purchased just for the occasion. Here’s a few of our top contenders, and how to add them to the mix.
If you own a vagina
- Dildos - If your partner has a penis, then you can stimulate the feeling of them actually being there by using a dildo to slide in and out while you’re talking - a realistic dildo will be as close to the real thing as possible. And describing this to them over the phone will be HOT AF. For some handsfree playtime - or maybe you’re taking things to the bathroom, try a suction cup dildo, and you’ll be free to move and thrust as you see fit. Dildos are also a fantastic way to explore your fantasies; our animal dildos let you release your animalistic instincts. Choose from dog dildos, horse dildos or even dragon dildos, if you got a little bit too into Game of Thrones
- Vibrators - Fulfil all your downstairs desires with a trusty and faithful vibrator. Hold it against your clitoris, or drag it slowly across your erogenous zones while you describe to your partner exactly what you’re up to. Whether you go for a powerful wand vibrator or stick with a reliable bullet vibe, trust us, your partner will LOVE hearing the buzz beneath your moans
If you own a penis
- Male masturbators - Portable pleasure that simulates sucking or fucking just like the real thing. Simply lube up your sheath and slide it on. Don’t forget to describe it to your partner in detail, and they just might get jealous
- Anal beads - Perfect for prostate owners. For the ultimate climax, insert well-lubed-up beads slowly into your tush, one by one, enjoying that delicious feeling of fullness. As you reach the point of orgasm, gently pull them out again to elongate each exquisite moment
- Prostate massagers - Lube up and insert before you go to town on yourself elsewhere to hit a whole other sweet spot. Many prostate massagers buzz and move gently too for extra stimulation
Don’t overthink it
Phone sex is supposed to be fun. Yes, it’d be great if everyone orgasmed and was happy, but it’s more about connecting with your partner and trying something new. Don’t like it? You don’t have to indulge ever again. Loved it? Then book your next date night when the heart rates slow down, and you’ve just found a brand new addition to your sexual repertoire.
You’re welcome
