Ruby’s Q&A
You’ve seen her dominate the headlines, but there’s much more to this sexpert and Dominatrix that first meets the eye. Now’s your chance to submit your sex-related questions to UberKinky’s very own Ruby Payne. Whether that’s learning how to embrace your kinks, advice for trialling out a new toy or position, or uncovering never-heard-before juicy details about Ruby’s life as a professional Dom, this Q&A has no limits.
Q: How did you get into the sex industry?
A: My career in the sex industry started out as a side hustle with light online sex work selling underwear, which then graduated to pictures. After the requests started to flood in, it was quite clear to me that I got a kick out of unleashing my dominant side, and I, in turn, provided my customers with a means of escape. I enjoy helping others to embrace their fetishes and fantasies, and once I saw how much of a positive difference I was making, it gave me the motivation to make a real career out of it. Not to mention, I absolutely adore talking about (and having) sex.
Q: What's the strangest kink you've come across?
A: Trust me, I’ve come across a whole variety of weird and wonderful kinks as a professional Dom, but it gets to a point where nothing surprises me anymore. I will admit that being asked to stand on a pair of testicles with high heels for the first time did shock me slightly, but hey, if that’s what my client wants, who am I to refuse? Each and every one of my customers knows that they’re walking into a safe, non-judgemental space when they come to see me - free of any kink shaming. Of course, every Dom will have their limits, and this will be clearly communicated way before starting the session.
Q: How can my LTR partner and I start prioritising sex?
A: I want to start by saying that keeping the flame burning in a long-term relationship certainly is possible, but it does require effort from both sides. I would ask my client to start by questioning why they first felt ‘fireworks’ for their partner - and in virtually every instance, it’s down to uncertainty. You’re seeing someone you’ve never met, probably in a new environment, and the excitement of it all brings the ‘first date butterflies’ that everyone describes. On the flip side, once you think you’ve got to know that person inside and out, comfortability sets in. You might find yourself stuck in the same old routine, barely leaving the house, and not setting time aside for intimacy. This is where many LTR relationships fail.
However, there is hope. Try to do the opposite of this - work around each other’s diaries to make time for one another. And, newsflash, you don’t need to wear down a hole in your pocket to change up your environment. You could plan an at-home movie night, complete with baked goodies and snacks, or cook a meal together whilst enjoying a cheap bottle of wine. If you feel like your sex life is lacking, communicate with your partner (I can’t emphasise this point enough). As long as you approach the topic with caution and put your feelings across delicately, don’t be afraid to tell your partner how they could switch things up a bit in the bedroom - whether that’s bringing new sex toys to the table, or trying out new positions. Ultimately, you’ll both benefit from this.
Q: I’m a sex toy newbie! How can I introduce them to my partner?
A: I’m clapping my hands with joy right now - I LOVE people that come to me with this question. Where can I begin? Sex toys are brilliant for spicing things up in the bedroom, and with so many different gadgets and gizmos being added to the market every day, I can almost guarantee that you won’t be purchasing just one.
Although some toys - take our huge dildos for instance - might look intimidating at first, they’re perfectly safe to use, when paired with a generous helping of lube. If you do want to work your way up to the big boys, which I personally would recommend, there are also a variety beginner-friendly toys you can trial out. I’m a sucker for an inflatable dildo because you can pump it up to a size that best suits you - plus, it’s great for getting a good stretch.
Realistic dildos are also good to start with if you’re looking for a little more familiarity. They look amazing too, with their ultra-lifelike hand-crafted details, and you can add a cum tube too if you really want to get wet.
My answer to this question would differ slightly if you’re wanting to introduce anal sex toys to the bedroom - with the hole involved being much smaller, tighter, and non-lubricated. As with any sex toy, coat your newbie with plenty of lubricant for a satisfying glide in, and work the pace up gradually as you feel yourself getting more comfortable. Inflatable butt plugs are another firm favourite of mine - again, because you’re the one who’s in control of its size - and anal beads are ideal for depth-training. There are even some that vibrate for twice the pleasure, so definitely get one of those on your shopping list.
For kinksters who want to know more, UberKinky’s ultimate beginner’s guide to anal sex toys should do the trick. As long as you do your research beforehand, exploring your rectum will be a breeze.
Q: I don't know how to tell my partner about my kink - what would your advice be?
A: One word: communicate. You’ll get tired of me saying it eventually, but I can’t stress how important it is for couples to check-in with one another regularly, especially with regards to their sex life. Although it might be nerve-racking, mustering up the courage to tell your partner about your kink could transform your bedroom sessions - seriously. Being straight-up with your thoughts and feelings is sexy as hell, and you’re much more likely to reach climax if you’re giving your partner some guidance. Not only this, you uncovering your kink could provoke your partner to share a kink that they’ve also been keeping secret, and you’d never find all of this out without communicating.
When you do feel ready to tell your partner about your kink, we’ve got plenty of goodies waiting for you that’ll make the experience all the more appealing. From bondage gear kits for BDSM beginners, to strap-on dildos if you want to satisfy their inner Dom, the sky’s the limit with the UberKinky collection. And yes, you’ll be thrilled to know that they’re all Ruby certified.
Q: What's your opinion about sex on the first date?
A: I’m really not sure why people are so against sex on the first date to be quite honest with you. Times are changing, and society is finally accepting that having sex with someone new doesn’t necessarily bind you to them, or suggest anything about who you are as a person. If you’re comfortable and in the mood, why not? Sex can certainly be enjoyed by two strangers, as long as there’s a degree of communication that takes place beforehand. Both sides MUST consent before engaging in intercourse, and with you never having slept with this person before, find out what gets them off beforehand. Last, but certainly not least, don’t forget to wrap up before you get down, folks. Protection is sexy.
