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Beginner’s guide to choosing a dildo

If you’re new to the world of dildos, then boy have we got the greatest guide for you! We’re tooting our own horn a little here, but that’s because we’ve got the expert knowledge to help everyone get the horn. So before you get overwhelmed with all the weird and wonderful items we have to offer, we’ll help you focus on one thing, shall we? That phallic phenomenon of an imitation: the dildo, and all the types on offer here. Delectable, deviant, delicious, daring, desirable - this toy brings you all the Ds. Whether you’re buying for yourself or someone else, we’ve got the buyer’s guide to choosing the best dildo for your and all your desires. 

Know who you’re buying for

Stop! In the name of love… Before you break. Ahem. My heart, or something else... No, but seriously, stop and think about who you’re buying for, first and foremost. 

One of the most common reasons for dildo returns is down to the wrong size - as in, partners think bigger is always better. Only for them to realise that NOPE, their partner (or yourself, for that matter) is definitely not ready for that huge dildo just yet. 

You also need to understand what’s the best dildo for you or your giftee. Dildos are generally unisex, but there are also ones that are suited perfectly for a certain genitals. Thinking about those clit-teasers.  

So before you venture into the world of sex toys and add to that cart, it’s handy to have a list of notes (on paper or in your head!) to guide you - especially when buying for someone else.

Things to think about when buying a dildo

So, let’s get into it. Whether it’s you that wants to spice up your orgasms, or you’re after treating someone, helping them to fill a hole (see what we did there?) in their life, be sure to consider these factors.  

Experience level

It’s very important to know what you or your partner can handle. If you want to keep it a surprise, bring up a casual conversation about what you’d both like to see in the sex toy market, maybe, to get some hints as to what they’d like. And if it is a first time, then don’t forget about the best sex toys for beginners

Size matters

It cannot be stressed enough: Size matters. And this doesn’t mean that bigger is always better, at least not for some! Small dildos are a thing, too - great for training or for those who are just into the dinkier dicks. Maybe you want something easier to use, simple and cute, or something to just slide and glide against your sensitive areas. A small sex toy works wonders. Or maybe you’ve tried hundreds of dildos and are really ready for a beast.  

Body-safe materials

Picture the scene. You (and maybe your partner) getting all cosy and ready for some moan-filled movements. What turns you on when thinking about the material of a sex toy stroking your skin? It also comes down to the type of play. For example, glass is great for temperature play and stunning visuals. There’s also metal for those who like it hardcore and want to feel a coldness. Silicone and rubber can give you firmness without being too hard. Make sure you consider allergies, as some toys contain latex or nickel. Whatever the preference, check the material is body-safe by reading product descriptions carefully and buying from only reputable sex toy brands (pssst! We’re one of them). 

Style and kink

Do you like it straight, bulging, curved, flopping, grooved, or hard as a rock? Maybe you’re into aliens, unicorns, dragons, or tentai? There are plenty of desires that dildos delve into. From designs that make your eyes pop out with vibrant colours to realistic dildos that also wow, there’s a style and kink for everyone. 

What types of dildos can you get your hands on?

So then, let’s explore all the different styles there are! Get yourself comfy. 

Strap-ons 

For those who like to take charge, the strap-on dildo gives the wearer a master power. Perfect for pegging. And guess what? They don’t only have to be worn around the hips or waist either. Strap-ons can go around the mouth too with our head strap-ons, allowing you to get up close and personal when pleasure-giving. Whether you want a master or a slave, a strap-on can provide both. You can also indulge in a Vac-U-Lock strap-on that can be clipped into place on a harness for tight and snug thrusting. Role play away and get raunchy.   

Suction-cups

In the shower, against a wall, or for squatting, a suction-cup dildo has got your back, or your front. You can secure these bad boys down to any flat, smooth surface for some hands-free fun. Whatever the material, size or style, a desired dildo can be attached to a suction cup for solo play, or you can even attach two to a suction cup to create a double-ended dildo. 

Double the pleasure

From double-ended dildos to double penetration dildos, you can experience dual delight with your dick doppelganger. A double-ended dildo allows two to tango, whereas the double penetration dildo can provide simultaneous satisfaction for one. Have both holes filled and be fulfilled. 

Small to HUGE

Whatever your experience level or preference, there’s a sex toy to suit. Go daring or go dinky. From snakey 43 inches and tentacled 22.5 inches to girthy bulges, huge dildos are definitely for the pros and more experienced. Get that fuller feeling. And if you’re looking for something more animalistic, then take a gander at these horse dildos. Not your thing? Neigh bother. If you want something less beastly that will still have you moaning and groaning, then small dildos are perfect. 

Glass and metal

How can you experience pleasure down there with some elegant designs? The answer is crystal clear; see through our glass dildos. Get a hard-on for these hard horns. Another solid creation of fun is the metal dildo. Latex-free, non-porous and ready to rock your socks off, open up to some metal in your life. Tease and tantalise with temperature play too.

Realistic and silicone

When you just want something simple and more resembling, the realistic dildo and silicone dildo are firm favourites. With all the wrinkles, kinks and veiny details, you’ll be getting off in no time with your playmate. Some come with balls, some don’t, and some have foreskin detail. Lots of shades to choose from, you can satisfy your urges for some self-love with silicone. 

Fantasy

Silicone dildos don’t have to be just realistic though. Many show off some seriously cool designs, perfectly manufactured for sensual stroking. With alien, unicorn, dragon and tentacle designs, you can explore another world and role play some magical sexy time with fantasy dildos and tentacle dildos. Feeling horny? New terrain to discover? Are you a sucker for love? We’ve got them all. 

Vibrating

Bring more power into the bedroom with a vibrator strap-on and realistic vibrators. Taking the shape of the penis, these dildos are down for bringing all the good vibes. They are designed to both resemble the penis more realistically yet bring some fantasy to life. That of a vibrating penis, right? 

Ejaculating

This one brings the realistic dildo to a whole other level. The ejaculating dildo, yes you guessed it, squirts, comes, erupts - whatever you like to call it. You can strap it, take control or go hands-free. When you’re ready to excite both your playmate and yourself, just give it a gentle squeeze for that squirting action. A come-on-command joystick that’s ready to hit the spot, you fill it up with some come-replica lubricant, or you can even explore a dash of piss play. Load up and offload, inside or all over your partner.

Inflatable

Still not found what you’re looking for? Don’t be deflated. The inflatable dildo is here to the rescue. Cleverly designed, with this one, you can insert easily before a good filling. Get pumped up as you pump up. With different styles and sizes, and even inflatable butt plugs, you can seriously satisfy with a gratifying blow-up.  

Fist dildo

Want something to pack a punch? The fist dildo is here to give a helping hand. Whether you want all knuckles in or some fingers first, these designs are second to none. These are perfect for those who like some stretching and the feel of a strong hand down there. Just make sure to go SLOW, easing in, with plenty of fisting lube

Lube up correctly

Whatever you have in that shopping cart, make sure you add in the right lube. Not all are compatible with every kind of dildo, so make sure to check the descriptions. For instance, silicone lube cannot be used with silicone or cyberskin toys. If ever in doubt, go for a water-based lube, safe with anything. And for anal play, there’s a special slippery sidekick to help. Anal lube is specifically formulated for experimenting with backdoor play. Long-lasting and super slick, it’s perfect for anal beads, butt plugs, dildos, fisting toys or simple doggy-style sex. 

Check descriptions and reviews to find the best dildo for you

Seems obvious, but do make sure you pay attention to the product descriptions. Take the time to read the features and reviews, so you have a good idea of what you’re getting. Reading about the experiences of others can help you make that winning decision, especially if you’re stuck on a few. 

Whatever you’re into, you can find the best dildo for you right here. Contact UberKinky to find out more, including all about our discreet packaging and billing.