Jerking, jacking, beating, and tossing off. Wanking, beating the meat, stroking the snake and choking the chicken - whatever you call it, are you actually in the know when it comes to the best male masturbation positions out there? “Erm, yep… Lying in bed.”
Yes, guys, the bed is a popular spot, but there are so many more ways to masturbate to change up your self-play routine. You also need to factor in the end result. Master masturbation like a pro; stick with us… and our sex toys, of course.
Why do men masturbate?
First off, before exploring the positions you can do, let’s talk about why men masturbate. Aside from the sexual gratification, there are actual health reasons as to why a lot of men masturbate on a regular basis.
Like with anybody, masturbation is relaxing and can be a stress reliever. All that built up sexual tension immediately disappears upon release. Single people tend to masturbate more than those in a relationship, of course, but those in relationships still do it too. Why? It doesn’t automatically mean they’re not happy with the relationship’s sex life, it can just be a part of their routine they’re used to and still enjoy self-play.
If you speak to most people (and they tell you honestly), they’ll probably tell you they masturbate monthly, weekly, daily (some more than once daily!), or that they used to. And some people won’t at all. But generally, it’s pretty common. Some people say it helps with stress or sexual relief, whereas others have described it as an itch they have to scratch, to fill up boredom, or because it’s just part of a routine, like before bed. Interestingly, some have even described masturbating more when they’re in a relationship as opposed to being single because they find their sex drive goes wild.
Health benefits of masturbation
Believe it or not, there was a study that found that ejaculating at least 21 times a month significantly reduces the risk of prostate cancer. There’s still more research to be had though. The study itself relied on participants to self-report, once in 1992 and again in 2010, about how frequently they did come each month and whether they developed prostate cancer. This means there are flaws in the study because the subjects’ memories may have skewed the data. It also didn’t distinguish coming from masturbation or sex with a partner.
We all know that wanking one off can make our cheeks go rosy, our minds feel detangled and our bodies satisfied, and that’s because arousal and orgasm is directly linked to oxytocin and dopamine release. This is what helps us feel destressed, more positive, motivated and so good.
Every second, there’s about 1,500 sperm produced in a single person, all those little swimmers packed in down there just waiting to be released. Masturbation allows a healthy release routine, otherwise unused sperm cells find their way out of the body through wet dreams or are reabsorbed back into the body anyway.
What about blue balls? To get a bit medical for a moment, it is possible to suffer from epididymal hypertension, which describes painful and aching balls which some men experience after sexual arousal that doesn’t get a release, causing sperm to back up. So this only happens from prolonged sexual arousal that doesn’t get its happy ending.
Male masturbation misconceptions
Everyone masturbates: Of course this isn’t true! Some just don’t feel the need or urge and some don’t due to certain religious philosophies
Masturbating in a relationship means you’re not happy with it: Wrong. Both penis and vulva-owners masturbate, even when they’re in a relationship. Again, not all, but many do, and it doesn’t always mean they’re unhappy with the sex they’re having with partners. Like some have said, they’ve found their sex drive skyrocket when going from single to in a relationship, and others may just like the routine of more sexual tension relief, giving their partner a break!
Penis owners need to masturbate: They don’t NEED to. Blue balls is a thing, yes, and masturbation can help, but blue balls comes from prolonged sexual arousal without a release. Nobody needs to mastubrate, it’s a personal choice
The best penis masturbation positions
So now that we’ve cleared up a few things, it’s time for you to clear up some too and get yourself set up for some great jacking-off spots.
Lazy lie-down
We’ll get the obvious one out the way first, shall we? Stretching out in bed, or on the sofa, lazing around, you just can’t beat it. Or should we say, you can! The bed is brilliant as it’s the staple designated place for sexy time anyway. You’ve got the sheets you can simply take off and clean, the duvet to cover yourself with, and the privacy. The sofa, on the other hand, you may need to lay down some sheets or towels or use a sock, and definitely be fully certain of when people are due home!
Stand and land
Give yourself a standing ovation and ejaculation. Mix it up and wank off in the shower, or pick a place you’ve never done before. Maybe you want to offload on some dirty sheets or even a dirty girl or guy - role play! The shower is a great place as the clean-up is easy. You can also lean against the wall and push your hips forward, or use the shower head and get really steamy. It’s been known for people to have a blast down there! Just use a tempo and temperature you’re comfortable with and let your tush and prostate feel so good too. Just watch out for slipping.
Sit up and fill up
Grab a chair and grab your chub. This one is quite the popular position for porn lovers, but it’s definitely a cumfy one. It allows for men to spread their legs and for the balls and penis to drop and flop around to play with. Again, you can use a sock, tissue, or container to fill up with your load. Get the cushions out for a softer, sensual feel on the skin or maybe you like it a bit rougher and have a kink for the uncomfortable materials. Maybe you’re inspired by that open-seat scene in Casino Royale but are after your balls really being tickled.
On all fours
Get creative and go on all fours to really open up, perfect for dildos. And if you’ve never used one, we’ve got your back with our guide on how men should use a dildo. You may even want to really get into a theme with a dog dildo, yes animal dildos are a thing. You can also attach a suction-cup dildo to a flat surface for some hands-free fun. Just lay down a comfy floor setting, or get on the bed or sofa and delve into your fantasies.
Squat
Again, that suction-cup dildo comes in handy for this one, for squatting down onto a sex toy whilst you play with yourself. If you’re feeling like you need a good filling, you can try squatting onto a huge dildo, or if that’s not your thing and you want to go the opposite way, you can lower down onto a small dildo. Go for a blended orgasm or pleasure with simultaneous stimulation.
Lie face down
A popular one for vulva-owners too, lying face down gives you a comfortable and easy access to the downstairs. By lying on your stomach and rubbing up against a pillow or the bed, you can thrust and grind away to mimic intercourse. You can also use your fist to thrust in and out to give extra stimulation.
Ottoman that feels so good
The backless chair also gives some creative positions. For instance, you can sit on an ottoman, spread the legs out, and bend backwards until the head is on the floor to create an arch. Why is this a good position? Well, the penis becomes the top of the arch, and you can get a greater sense of stimulation with the open, stretched-out feeling.
Go upside down
Go for a stranger thing and go upside down. This one’s good for those who are more flexible though. Simply lie on your back and pull your knees in so that your bum is against the wall. You should have the upper half of the torso and head on the floor still. This one comes with a little warning: watch out for comeface, unless that’s what you’re. It’s a fun position and many like the sensation of a hard, cold surface on their peach.
Mutual masturbation
Maturbation doesn’t just apply to solo fun. Oh no. Mutual masturbation elevates sex in so many ways. Whether your playmates are the same sex or opposite, you can both experience supreme satisfaction. If you’re with another penis-owner, get creative. Sure there’s the mutual handjob, but one of you can be on all fours, thrusting against that favourite of ours again - the suction-cup dildo - whilst the other gets some hand action or even a blowie. Or, one can use sex toys, like anal beads, butt plugs, and dildos to give their partner a cracking time whilst they jerk off or get the same attention. Just make sure they’re cleaned before sharing, and between uses: read up on how to clean your dildo to keep things tidy.
If you’re with a vulva-owner, well, you can do the same, as many love anal play. You can also show off your finger work to make them gush in more ways than one. Whatever you’re into, mutual masturbation means you can both try out things. Maybe you want some filling from behind whilst you give your partner a helping hand. Let them use sex toys on you whilst you massage their clit and labia for a tandem turning-on. They could also lie on their back on top of you whilst you get to caress them everywhere, as they grind against you. Steer with your hand and let their butt stimulate you down there. There’s lots to try!
So what are you waiting for? Or maybe you’ve already started! Try out some fun positions and if you need a sex toy to pay with, you’ve come to the right place. Let UberKinky help you come in the right place. Contact us for any help!
